


Homevideos

by Amaya_Ithilwen



Series: Collection of RVB-OneShots [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Canon-Typical Humor, Canon-typical Cursing, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-12
Updated: 2015-02-12
Packaged: 2018-03-12 01:50:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3339335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amaya_Ithilwen/pseuds/Amaya_Ithilwen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Epsilon and Tucker are arguing about the deletion of Tuckers ‘Homevideo’ Folder. Even thought it was meant to make space for Epsilon to squish in the storage unit. (Which is dirty and stuffy)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Homevideos

It had taken hours for Tucker to drive through the desert. Since he had been under the sands, he so fucking hated that desert. He just wanted to go to a beach, laying in a hammock and having some chicks around. But the only chick around was a bossy ex-Freelancer who was even meaner than the Meta. And this guy already had been fucking creepy.

Letting his head sink down on the back rest on the back seat, the teal soldier only sighed. Lucky him they were three people, so Caboose was on the passenger seat and obviously annoying Wash who was trying to drive through the desert without getting them stuck in the next dune. “Come on Caboose, can’t you go to sleep or just fucking shut up?!” asked the Freelancer the crazy one of the team with an almost pleading tune in his voice. He could understand Wash. But Tucker didn’t think of helping him. Since Church was gone, that dick had always annoyed him to no end. Now that Wash was here and Caboose obviously was dotty about him, Tucker had at least his peace. Closing his eyes, the swords wielder dozed a bit, dreaming of a beach, a nice drink and some sweet chicks around there.

 

But why the fuck was Wash suddenly appearing in that dream and telling him to wake up? What the…? Grumbling and grunting the Spartan awoke and lift up. They had come to a halt at the old base of O’Malley. Oh right, bad memories. Right after that he had to accompany an alien on his quest and got pregnant with an parasitic alien embryo which was crashing out of his belly soon after. The scar across his tummy was still visible as Doc had fucking poorly patched him up, always saying he was no doctor and fighting against fainting. That fucking dick was whether a doc nor a Samaritan. That guy was a fucking douche bag!

Scratching the itching scar the teal soldier got out of the car to find a tree, or something that at least would look like a tree to follow nature’s call.

As he was done, he toddled back to the team, who was already again arguing about something with Carolina. But thanks to Wash, nobody got hurt severely. Even though he couldn’t stop the teal Freelancer from hitting Grifs head. If she only had halfway the strength of Tex, then Grif would have a headache for the next four hours. But Tucker didn’t feel any pity for the orange dick sucker. He just felt pity for himself that he wasn’t at that that beach with his drinks and chicks. By the way… If they were driving for longer, he could easy chill in the backseat of the car and watch some of his homevideos. That would surely help to kill the time. Tucker grinned and already was really looking forward on doing so.

 

Stretching his sore limbs, the sword wielder went back to the car, where Caboose already came running towards him. “Tucker! Tucker!” Said Spartan only groaned. If Wash was nowhere to be seen, the crazy dick already came aiming at him. “What?” Asked Tucker a bit annoyed, already expecting an idiotic question or statement. But as Caboose said that they had forgotten Epsilon, his adrenaline was on 1000 in one second. “You did what?!” His voice got as high pitched as Alpha-Church’s. But that didn’t stop him from making fun of him all the time.

But before they were really able to start a big search and rescue mission, a little hologram appeared besides Tucker. They didn’t forgot Epsilon. But the news following weren’t any better. At least for Tucker. Whilst Caboose was toddling away, obviously relieved that Epsilon was here and already forgetting why he had been so upset, the teal solder turned to the A.I. Eying him closely. “You’re fucking short, what happened to you? You got laundered too hot?”

“No, I adjusted my size to the place on the storage unit I have. And as you see, there’s not much space on the storage unit for me. Otherwise someone as important as me would be bigger.” Stated the hologram with a slightly annoyed tone, turning around to Tucker.

 

“Yeah, yeah, where have you been all the time anyway?” Asked Tucker slightly annoyed about Caboose making a fuss about nothing and Epsilon being a dick as usual.

“Oh, I made some space on your storage unit for me.” Said the hologram in a matter-of-fact-manner, before adding: “But dude, seriously, did you once thought about cleaning up your storage? It’s fucking stuffy and dirty in there. Lucky you, you got me to clean up the dirty shit.”

Tucker froze immediately. Dirty shit? He wasn’t really… He couldn’t be serious… He wouldn’t…

As if Epsilon had read his thoughts that asshole stated. “I deleted your Homvideo-folder. Seriously, what fucking shit are you having on your storage unit?”

“It’s no shit! It’s important stuff for me! You bastard didn’t seriously delete that folder, didn’t you” Now Tuckers adrenaline was again on 2000. The threat in his voice was clearly audible. Although it also sounded pleading.

“Of course I did, how am I supposed to find place on the storage unit otherwise?” That guy really was serious about the deletion of the files.

“You can’t just delete something from the storage unit! They’re private!” Exclaimed the teal Spartan while looking at the little hologram of Epsilon. The whole time while they were traveling through a hot desert, he hadn’t shown up. Caboose even thought they had forgotten him at the base what Tucker first tempted to exclaim an incredulous ‘What?!’

But Caboose and the desert, of which Tucker was already fed up enough with, now that A.I. showed up, telling him he deleted the folder of his Homevideos to get space?! And that his storage unit was stuffy and dirty?!

 

“The storage unit is property of the Army, so nothing on that is private.” Stated the hologram. It was hovering on the level of Tuckers head. And this Spartan was really tempted to place a fist in Epsilons face. But it was a hologram. And too tiny to only hit its head. “But the folder on it was private! How am I supposed to kill the time when I’m bored?”

“How about reading a book? Or, for once, really being on watch duty?”

“I am on watch duty!” retorted the Swords wielder.

“Yeah, but that’s not exactly the same watch duty I always sent you on.” The glee in Epsilons voice was clearly audible, what made Tucker even more furious.

“First it was Alpha-Church, not you, you asshole.” Statet Tucker drily while his eyes under the helmet narrowed. “And second: It’s also my duty to watch the videos, otherwise they’ll get dusty!”

“Videos can’t get dusty you idiot.”

“But the storage unit!”

“Which you wouldn’t clean, even when there was a folder as twice as big on it.”

“You wouldn’t have to make yourself comfortable on my storage unit! That’s a dick move! How about Caboose?!” Now the teal soldier slowly got really angry.

“Caboose’s storage unit looks the same as it must look in his head.” Stated Epsilon. Okay that was a point. You’ll get insane only by being close to Caboose. How must it feel to be in his head or storage unit? Automatically Tucker thought about Alpha-Church who once had been in Cabooses head. How did he stay sane anyway?

“Then… Then… Why didn’t you go to Grif?!”

“Do I want to get smoked alive?”

“And Simmons?!”

“With the kiss-ass? No thanks! ‘Sides, he has many important information. Not as important as me, but important.”

“You’re an asshole. What about Sarge?”

“Don’t speak huckleberry.”

“Carolina?”

“Am I fucking suicidal?”

There was a long silence in which they just stared at each other, before Epsilon slowly, but warningly said: “And don’t get the idea I would go back to Agent Washington.” He spat out the name in disgust what made Tucker blink in confusion. He really must hate that guy. But Tucker always thought that Wash must hate Epsilon for what happened, not the other way around.

“So there’s only me left where you could go.”

“Exactly.”

“But why did you had to delete that folder?! Couldn’t you have taken something else to delete?” Again Tucker whined about the loss of the folder.

“The other things were too important to be deleted. Like manuals.”

“Fuck the manuals! I push buttons until it works! You could have fucking delete them, not my beloved homevideos!”

To calm down, Tucker exhaled loudly, saying to himself: “Luckily I have some of them on the storage of the base computer…”

“You mean the folder ‘Homevideo Base’?” Asked a voice behind the teal soldier what made him jump. “Fuck Wash, don’t scare me to death!”

Said person obviously wasn’t much listening to the cursing of his team member as he added to his previous comment: “I deleted that folder as there was a need for this space.” Wash casually walked away, gathering the soldiers to take up the travel again. “Hey and what about my fucking needs?!”

“First you’re a toey pervert. Some deprivation won’t hurt you. And second your needs aren’t that important.”

“They are even more important!” Now Tuckers voice began to crack. He was desperate. Did they really delete all his movies? All his movies he had collected with lot of passion and lot of effort? And now they just deleted it?! Were they completely insane?! He was making a sound as if he was about to cry in this very moment.

“Did you at least make a backup?” Now he was turning again to Epsilon.

“Do I look like a fucking computer?”

“Fuck you…”


End file.
